Part of me is very self conscious about writing this but the other part of me couldn't care less.
Religion is not something that gets talked about much online unless you personally search for it which makes sense because we all have different religions and opinions about it.
But something came up today that made me just want to talk about it. Partly so I could get my own head around how I feel.
I was born a Muslim. I still am a Muslim. And I will die as a Muslim.
And despite everything happening in the world and what's shown on the media these days, I will always be proud to be a Muslim.
But I'm not going to pretend that I'm very religious because I'm not. And I won't sugarcoat anything I'm writing to make it seem that way.
Yes I do pray when I can and when I'm willing to and yes I do fast and I don't drink or gamble or eat anything that comes from a pig.
I think what I'm trying to say is that I'm not very religious but I have my beliefs and I do practice parts of my religion.
And I don't care what anyone says, I am ok with that for now.
I could have hundreds of people preaching to me with the intention of changing me but it would never work.
I admire people, particularly those who are younger, who have dedicated themselves to Islam. Kudos to them.
Growing up I was lucky that I wasn't particularly forced into being religious.
Me and my siblings would spend 2 hours every weekend reading the Quran because we were told to and I would dread it so much because I just didn't enjoy it and it was something I just didn't want to spend my weekends doing.
I had one parent who would nag me to do pray or read (which to be honest you can only really blame that on being a generation thing) whilst the other wouldn't even mention it.
And to me that combination was perfect.
I would hear a lot about children being forced to wear a hijab or something along those lines and it made me feel so lucky that at least my parents and my family had some sense to never force me or my siblings to do that.
So growing up I was relatively ok.
As girl, puberty is normally the time when Muslim girls start wearing a hijab. But instead of my 12 year old brain thinking I should start being modest it went the other direction.
And that's what I wanted to talk about despite all this rambling.
Modesty and religion. And particularly the clashes I have come across so far.
All religions clash with society in many ways but that's because all of it was from 1000s of years ago and the world was completely different back then so yes things are going to clash.
I think that's one of the reasons why I don't delve much into Islam as I should, because I know it's going to contradict some of the ways I live my life because it already has.
But that's the same for a lot of religions and cultures.
C'est la vie.
Let's face it I could write a whole other post about religion and sexism but I probably won't at least not right at the moment.
Modesty is a big thing in Islam. For both men and women. Not many people realise that it's just as important for men as it is for women because we visually see it more with women therefore we associate it with them more.
I'm not going to go too much into why Muslims are required to dress modestly because to be honest I don't have a lot of knowledge in that area.
Although maybe that's an issue I should deal with. I get people yapping down my ear to dress modestly but never really get told why.
In a society that tells us to do whatever makes you feel happy and wear whatever makes you feel good about yourself it's hard to do that when what you want to wear contradicts your religion.
I'm not trying to say I want to wear skimpy clothes or anything like that whatsoever. You won't see me posting pictures of myself doing a Kim Kardashian.
To some people, I dress modestly and to others I don't.
And for someone who loves to dress up (because it honestly is such a passion of mine and makes me feel so happy and allows me to express myself) sometimes I just feel so confused about myself.
Am I a bad Muslim for thinking a skirt looks better without tights or thinking fitted jeans compliment my figure?
Am I not allowed to be proud of my body that I've worked hard for over the past few years?
I didn't spend hours upon hours of working out to get slimmed down only to get told off for it if I wanted to share my progress.
This isn't me having a go at Islam. It's me feeling sad that I can't be myself without someone saying "You shouldn't really be doing that"
I am young and dumb and I'm going to make many mistakes and if I'm honest I can't wait for it. But I know that when the time comes I will always have Islam there for me.
So I'd appreciate it if I could just make those mistakes in peace.
I mean, isn't that what Islam is all about?
